October 19, 2009

On Country Music Derrangement Syndrome

People hate country. Why? "Because it SUCKS!"... "Because it's all the same"... "Because it's about white guys crying in their beer".

Y'know, whiny statements like that. I don't think these people ever stop to ask themselves about why they hate . They hate it for a few barely-justified reasons. They hate it because their friends hate it, because their peers tell them to hate it, and because the culture is designed to hate it.

People who say they hate Country music often haven't heard all the separate subgenres and sounds in it. "Well, like, I've heard lots of Country and I stiiiiiillllll hate it!"

Hey moron. Maybe that's because the only Country music you ever hear is on the radio. Maybe that's because you only listen to a certain artist. Maybe that's because you think people like Billy Ray Cyrus and Nickelback exemplify Country music (Nickelback isn't even a Country group, you idiots). What I really mean to say is: all you casual music listeners out there, you guys ain't the best judge of diversity. You listen to whatever happens to be playing on the radio. That means that the radio shows only play what's popular and therefore not a broad selection of a genre.

No one in their sane mind would generalize about all of a certain genre when it has subgroups. For example, if I were to say that Heavy Metal sucks on the basis of, say, how glam metal is, all of the Death, Thrash, and Doom Metal fans would immediately lambaste me, correct? Why make an exception for Country? (Because you're crazy, that's why)

Cowboy fashion? Please. Goths, punks, metal-heads, and hip hop artists all dress the weirdest of ways. Why is Country so special?

People (at least out where I am in California) act this way when they encounter anything to do with the South, Texas, and Bush as well.

All this and more is why I propose a new mental disorder: Country Derangement Syndrome. The definition is "the acute onset of paranoia and intense emotion in otherwise normal people in reaction to the musical sound, the mention — nay — the very existence of Country music".

The symptoms include:

- Holding the belief that people with Southern, Midwestern, Texan, or Mountain accents can't possibly be intelligent

- An irrational aversion to Stetsons and cowboy boots

- Believing that Country music is dominated by white men

- Often state that "Country SUCKS" and saying the reason for that is "Because it DOES"

- Stating that Country only sings about men losing their wives, homes, and dogs, then getting drunk ignoring the facts that
A) they cannot, as of yet, name a single song that deals with these supposed subjects
B) other genres barely deviate from a single subject (I'm talking to you, Anarcho-punk)

- Being emotional and negative about the supposed twangy sound of the guitars, while ignoring the fact that Rock 'n' Roll takes much of its sound from Country

I think it is hereditary, although a good portion may have to do with where you grew up. It increases with proximity to others who share the same opinion.

Be careful though: enough of these people get together, and they could theoretically spew enough acid to melt through seven inches of steel.


Kaiser said...

Oh, and the subgenre people are talking about when they refer to "men crying in their beer"?

That's Honky Tonk. That's the type that deals with "lost love, adultery, loneliness, alcoholism, and self-pity".

Kaiser said...

This as I've found out applies to Sarah Palin too, unfortunately.

She's really nice and charismatic, so it's a shame so many people have a knee-jerk hatred for her manner of speech.