March 23, 2010

On Obama/Democrat/Liberal Jokes

Did you hear about the reporter who asked Obama a hard question?
Neither have we!


Whats the difference between God and Obama?
God doesn’t think He’s Obama.


How can you tell a Republican home owner apart from a Democrat home owner?

Ask who is paying the Mortgage. The Republican will point to himself, and the Democrat will also point at the Republican.


Most people worry about getting AIDS from sex.
Bill Clinton worries about not getting sex from aides.


Why did God create Democrats ?
In order to make used car salesmen look good.


How many Democrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but it really gets screwed.


What's the difference between a Democrat and a leech?
A leech quits sucking your blood after you die.


Why should Democrats be buried 100 feet deep?
Because deep down, they're really good people.


What's black and brown and looks good on a Democrat?
A Doberman.


In an article on Northern Ireland, the political party Sinn Fein was described as the political wing of the IRA. I guess that makes the Democratic Party the political wing of the IRS.


What's a conservative?
A liberal who made it through adolescence.


What do UFO's and smart Democrat have in common?
You keep hearing about them, but never see any.


How do you confuse a Democrat?
You don't. They're born that way.


What's the difference between a Democrat and terrorist?
You can negotiate with the terrorist.


What does one say to a Democrat in a three-piece suit?
"Will the defendant please rise?"


What do you have when a group of Democrat are up to their necks in wet concrete?
Not enough concrete.


How many Democrat does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One Republican to screw the bulb in and four Democrats to tell him how much better they could have done it.


How can you tell when Barack Obama is lying?
Only an Obama supporter is too dumb to know the answer to this one.


What's the difference between a porcupine and Barack Obama's campaign limo?
A porcupine has pricks on the outside.


What happens when you cross a pig with a Democrat?
Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.


How many Democrats does it take to change a light bulb?
It's irrelevant; they still don't know they're in the dark!


How many republicans does it take to raise your taxes?
None. The Democrats do that.


What is the difference between a liberal and a puppy?
A puppy stops whining after it grows up.


What is the difference between an intelligent liberal and Bigfoot?
Bigfoot has been spotted.


What's the difference between a Democrat and a trampoline?
You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.


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An elderly man suffered a massive heart attack. The family drove wildly to get him to the emergency room.

After what seemed like a very long wait, the ER Doctor appeared, wearing his scrubs and a long face. Sadly, he said, "I'm afraid he is brain-dead, but his heart is still beating."

"Oh, dear God," cried his wife, her hands clasped against her cheeks with shock. "We've never had a Democrat in the family before!"


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Question: You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner and is running at you while screaming obscenities. In your hand is a Glock .40 and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Liberal Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that is inspiring him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me or would he just be content to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days to try to come to a conclusion.


Conservative Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Wife: "Sweetheart, he looks like he's still moving. What do you kids think?"
Son: "Mom's right Dad. I saw it too..."

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

Daughter: "Nice grouping Daddy!"


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Senator Kennedy was out stumping for votes, as he began to speak a heckler kept shouting, "I'm a Republican!"

Kennedy addressed the heckler, "May I ask why you are a Republican?"

The heckler replied, "My grandfather was a Republican, my father was a Republican and I am a Republican!"

Kennedy retorted, "If your grandfather had been a jackass, and your father had been a jackass, what would you be?"

The heckler replied, "A Democrat!"


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I was talking to a friend of mine and her little girl the other day. I asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up and she replied, "I want to be President!" Both of her parents are liberal Democrats and were standing there.

So then I asked her, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?"

She replied, "I'd give houses to all the homeless people."

"Wow - what a worthy goal." I told her, "You don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where this homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward a new house."

Since she was only 6, she thought that over for a few seconds. While her Mom glared at me, she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

And I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."


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"The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant. It's just that they know so much that isn't so."
- Ronald Reagan

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